Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Letting it all go

by shamanic

I'm down to just one more day at my job, before I turn in the laptop I'm typing on now, my badge, parking pass, and the rest of the equipment my employer has entrusted me with during my tenure at the company Friday morning and exit the building for the last time.

Most of my colleagues have been through layoffs before, but this is my first. Not because I'm especially lucky or have been so invaluable in other jobs. No, it's just that this is my first corporate job.

This is a really amazing experience to go through emotionally. Announcements were made a little over two weeks ago, and week one was alright. By the end of last week, I was getting grouchy about having to go into the office. Today, I was lucky enough to have doctor's appointment, so I was able to leave around one o'clock. On Friday, I only have to go in to drop off the company's stuff.

I don't think I can adequately express how painful I think tomorrow will be. I work with such amazing people, and it's a real blow to know that the end of our time together has arrived. I expect to spend a fair amount of the day in the restaurant on the ground floor of the building. There's a bar there. I think it opens at a quarter to eleven. We can play fun work-related games like "document the process of mixing a bloody mary", or we could grab some technical documentation and do shots whenever we find typos.

I want to get through the day without crying, mostly. Or crying much. There's so much about it all I'll miss, but certainly the easy access and day-to-day camaraderie with my colleagues ranks highest on the list of things I'm losing.

I was eager and optimistic when the announcements were first made. Now I'm just angry and worn out. It'll all be over very soon, and that's the most mixed blessing in my life right now.

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