Thursday, October 11, 2007

Well, I guess Giuliani's a lock for the nomination

by shamanic

WorldNetDaily, that bastion of impartial journamalism and desperate attempts at thinking, says that "terror leaders" want to kill Rudy Giuliani. Once that meme hits the blogosphere, Mitt & McCain can pretty much pack it in. There's nothing the GOP likes better than narratives like this: On one side, a macho, tough talking American leader. On the other, Palestinian terrorists.

My God, it's like Rambo or Die Hard. And you know that Giuliani's the kind of guy who would come up with that witty comment at the finale of the movie. You know, he's just blown away the 17 armed and shooting bodyguards of the super bad guy without receiving so much as a papercut when, right at 1:47 in, a spectacular 8-minute fight sequence ensues complete with Giuliani high kicks (which he learned earlier in the movie when he took lessons to dance in drag - it ties the drama together with the comedy, just brilliant!). At the last minute, the Palestinian terrorist has Giuliani down in the gutter of a New York street, arm crushing firmly against his windpipe, when the almost-defeated hero of our American saga sees his opening. Giuliani uses the last of his immense strength to roll his despotic Islamofascist attacker hard into the street just in time for a city bus with a huge "I {HEART} NEW YORK" ad on the side to flatten him into the pavement! Giuliani rises, sweaty, bloodied, but like America itself, entirely unbowed and gives voice to the sentiments of millions when he quips, eyes atwinkle, "That's what New Yorkers mean by, 'Let's roll'."

Judith races out from someplace where she's been held captive by the sweaty, monosyllabic thugs that Rudy has just taken care of (for America!) and briefly touches his face with her shaking hands. "You saved me," she says, her voice pitching with emotion. "You saved us all!" They kiss. Roll credits.

That's the narrative right there, the compelling, action-packed story line they're all looking for, and by God, WorldNetDaily's Jerusalem bureau chief has given it to them. Election's over, folks. There's nothing to see here. Move along.

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