Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Republican Savior Watch: If Not Fred, Who?

by shamanic

Given the lackluster reviews of Fred's "policy speeches", I guess it should come as no great surprise that his fundraising efforts are penetrating with the same profound power.

After months of breathless speculation, far too many quotes from ex-girlfriends extolling his manliness, and the continuing erosion of what used to be one of America's major political parties, I think we can pretty well agree that when it comes to the long-awaited savior of the GOP, Fred ain't it.

So who do you think the media and party faithful will latch onto next as the Republican Savior, He (And He Will Be A He, And A White He At That) Who Will Tap The Well Of Ronald Reagan's Awesomeness And Unite America Against "The Enemy" (need an acronym for that? Okay: HAHWBAHAAWHATWWTTWORRAAUAA"TE")?

My guess: scientists at CalTech are furiously working on an animatronic, wireless, fully networked Ronald Reagan infused with actual Ronald Reagan DNA crossed with genetic material culled from stolen bits of Margaret Thatcher's last hair clipping. He/She will rise from a lab when a lightning bolt strikes a tower on the building, conveying 40,000,000 amps straight into the new Savior of the Republican Party, "The Iron Ronnie".

He/She would be utterly unstoppable in the primaries.

No comments: