Righteous Rants And Stupendous Snark

By Cernig

When the history books about the first half of the 21st Century are written, it will be noted that blogs gave the world more and better righteous ranting and stupendously snarky sarcasm than had ever before been imagined. Noel Coward, Ambrose Bierce and an entire legion of London Times culture critics could labour for a month and still not match the output of one single days blogging. Which is great for those of us who enjoy a well-crafted "poison-pen post".

Today had a couple of cream-of-the-crop examples.

First up, Jeffrey Feldman, who gets his rant on in classic style as he pleads with the White House to not let Cheney anywhere near diplomacy:

If the Bush administration was serious about saving lives, building U.S. credibility in the world, involving regional allies, and ending the Iraq occupation -- then they would put Dick Cheney back in his hidden location, lock the door from the outside and throw away the key.

...Of all the people in the world, today, there is not a single person who symbolizes the arrogance, violence and deceit of the Bush era more than Vice President Dick Cheney.

More than just a failed leader, Cheney has become an icon of violence -- a man whose name and face are synonymous with the an authoritarian view of politics rooted in the ignorant idea that unilateral force can sow everlasting peace.

...Is there anyone in America -- anyone in the world -- who does not know this about Dick Cheney? No. We all know it. Even in the vile and twisted tangle of the Bush White House, they all know what Cheney symbolizes in the world. They all know that no person is more hated, more distrusted than Dick Cheney. They all know that the world is waiting -- hoping -- not for Dick Cheney to take on a greater role in the mess of the Iraq occupation, but for Dick Cheney to just go away. Far, far away.

Despite all this, next week the White House will send the icon of violence on a diplomatic mission to the Middle East -- ostensibly, in Dana Perino's words, to "follow-up" on the diplomacy of the recent meetings in Sharm el Sheikh.

There's lots more and all just as justifiably astonished at such idiocy.

Then there's Col. Pat Lang, a thoughtful man who as befits a military mind puts his rant in powerpoint-esque bulletpoints:

Major points, George:

You were appointed to produce finished intelligence products that were CORRECT, that were TRUE, that represented REALITY. A good try is not good enough. Because of the crap that the intelligence community produced under your leadership, tens of thousands have died. Do the honorable thing, George.

You were supposed to stop being a flunky for whomever was in power when the Senate of the United States confirmed you to be head of the intelligence community. Instead, you participated in a "marketing campaign" to sell the American people a war about which you admit to having qualms. You and your colleagues like Hadley, Matalin, Libby and Rice did a thorough job. A lot of the simple are still looking for those WMD thingies in the bottom of an Iraqi lake. Do the right thing, George.

You did not tell the Commander in Chief, (the commander guy) that there was a "problem" with the raw information and the analyzed intelligence? You did not tell him because your bureaucratic timidity and "small timer's" sense of organizational propriety restricted you to dealing with his "followers?" My God! Do the right thing, George."

The right thing being that whining Tenet should donate a portion of the proceeds from his book to the soldiers and their families who have been killed or wounded in Iraq. Which he should. And then tar and feather himself.

And for snark aplenty there's Radley Balko's one-paragraph technique:

Tom Tancredo: Clown. The grandson of Italian immigrants weirdly suggested that the Russian school massacre at Beslan could happen here if we keep letting Mexicans into this country. He then praised the two border agents who shot an unarmed drug courier in the back. He also warned that Mexican immigrants threaten all of western civilization. He concluded by blaming immigrants for head lice, yeast infections, the incomprehensible success of Fred Durst, and Lou Dobbs' hound-dog jowls. I made up the last sentence. Unfortunately, I didn't make up the others.

While watertiger at Firedoglake goes for the cheesy 70's game show analogy, a more wordy style verging on a comedy sketch:

Chris Matthews: Hello, and welcome to "The Candidating Game," where one lucky guy at the end of this evening will get to take Lady Liberty on the chaperoned date of her dreams! But enough of this tomfoolery, let's meet today's contestants!

[cue incidental music]

No stranger to this game, Candidate #1 was dating even while he was still married! Tough on crime, and even tougher on dresses, let's meet Rudy! [audience applause as the candidate enters.]

Candidate #2 was a "maverick" before Ford Motor Co. and Tom Cruise made mavericks cool! Whether he's strolling through a Baghdad market or the mean streets of Tempe, you'll always feel safe with John! Give him a hand! [audience applause]

With his Hollywood good looks and abiding interest in . . . well, we're not entirely sure, but that doesn't matter because Candidate #3 is just so darned handsome! And he looks really good in flipflops! Welcome, Mitt! The boys will get settled in, and we'll be back after this station identification break. [audience applause, commercial]

As well as providing a whole load of links to other sarky posts. Enjoy. I know I will.

Yet none of these qualify as true satire - is blogtopia incapable of such a literature? Well no, satire is alive and well on the intertubes and goes by the name of Jon Swift.