The official told reporters:
It's really sad. Mr. Cheney was found in the small hours by Secret Service agents, having suffered a serious mental breakdown. He was dressed only in a black raincloak and his underwear, running down corridors and smashing lightbulbs while shouting "Another 5 billion for Halliburton!" He appeared to believe he was a stealth bomber attacking power stations in Nor...Ira...an unnamed country.
White House insiders confirmed that aides had been keeping a close eye on the Vice President lately, as evidence of a massive delusional complex kept piling up. Just recently, Mr. Cheney had seemed to lose all grip on reality and had made several pronouncements which were regarded as "over the edge" even by the White House Press Office, known for their informal motto - "spin that would make a dervish's nose bleed".
Just last night, the growing evidence came to a head as Mr. Cheney ,
"Guantanamo's been operated, I think, in a very sane and sound fashion by the U.S. military. ... I think these people have been well treated, treated humanely and decently, occasionally there are allegations of mistreatment.
This comes as even the most hard-core rightwing pundits are no longer questioning whether tortures and murders have taken place at Gitmo and other US detention facilities, but rather whether they care. Meanwhile, new reports of torture surface after an Associated Press lawsuit forces the military to hand over 1,000 pages of documents relating to testimony made during kangar... tribunals at Guantanamo Bay.
The White House psychiatrist, Dr. D.S. Turbid, on retainer to staff ever since the President's "mission accomplished" delusional episode, confirmed the report. "Vice President Cheney may be beyond recovery. He is, in technical parlance, a fruitcake."
"In the short term, Mr. Cheney's duties will be covered by an animatronic double created by Disney Studios, "said Scott Mc...the anonymous source. "Don't worry, you won't notice the difference - you never did with Ronnie Reagan."