Monday, February 07, 2005

What Kind of Father...?

Shamanic has a very thoughtful post over at Simianbrain today concerning the news that arch-rightwinger and "family values" christian Alan Keyes has disowned his daughter because she is a lesbian. (Mind you, this isn't the first time controversy has dogged Mr. Keyes' footsteps - witness his alleged unusual attitude to campaign funds.)

Sha has some wise words of support for Maya Keyes, including this:

The overriding responsibility of a parent is to love the child, otherwise the word "parent" means only a biological event that happened once. Your father rails against irresponsibility in all arenas, and his own irresponsibility in attempting to remove you from your family as punishment for who you are will erode him as long as he doesn't learn to mend your relationship.

I have to agree. My wife and I have a "mine, hers and ours" family and I cannot imagine loving any of my children more simply because I happened to be the actual sperm-donor. Nor any less because of what they happen to want out of life (even should it pain me). They are all mine, all special, and I will nurture and protect them with my best efforts as long as there is breath left to me. To do otherwise is at best morally reprehensible abuse and at worst utterly inhuman.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I couldn't agree more. As an adoptive parent I don't know how a biological parent could love his/her children any more than I love mine. I cry when they do. I hurt when they do. To use a very sappy phrase from a radio personality, they are my heart.
There is nothing they could do that would cause me to push them away.
That being said. There are parents out there who shouldn't be. People who resent the biological event and take it out on their children daily. I have seen far too often the effects of parents who don't love their children. Sha and my wife have both worked in group homes for teens of such parents. Their stories are horrifying. The physically abused children I have seen come into the ERs and ICUs have haunted me.
Not everyone is a fit parent. Being responsible for the biological event doesn't mean you will love the result. I know that sounds harsh, but I believe it is true.
Kirkrrt

Anonymous said...

As someone who was a victim of just such a situation as this, I know that what I craved all my life was love from my step-father,but because my mother had loved my father first, he could never love me.And because I had loved my mother first, he could never love me.
it takes all kinds.........

shadows